Let's talk about Angelina's Boobs and Ice cream

It has been exactly a week since Angelina Jolie announced she had a double mastectomy to prevent breast cancer.  I was driving my car to the hospital to have my 2nd radiation session.  When I heard the news I was shocked, proud and disappointed all at once, and since her announcement in a NY Time OpEd piece, a lot of people have provided either support or criticism.

I was shocked because here is a woman who is known for her perfect body and decides to slice off her breasts (but then again, she loves the shock factor), I was proud because I am also BRCA positive (meaning I have the 'breast cancer" gene) and the more light we can shed on this issue the more support young women like myself will receive and hopefully will never have to hear the words "you're too young to have cancer" from doctors, like I did when I first discovered my tumor.  But in that moment hearing about her decision I was mostly disappointed.  I'm not disappointed she did it, but I'm disappointed she really didn't convey the difficulty in making a decision like that.  She almost makes it sound like it is such a no brainer solution to having a BRCA mutation. I also wish she discussed some of the other preventative measures.  She never stated how long she has known she's had this gene, and up until that time she might have been going for yearly MRIs and mammograms to find any early signs of the disease.

But above all, what mostly disappointments are all the criticisms I have read, especially from the alternative healing community.  I am all about trying as out as many alternative healing techniques to improve the quality of my life, but the more I dive into it, the more judgemental it becomes.  Over and over I heard the same basic message, "If only she ate a vegan diet, then she wouldn't have to worry about cancer."  or "I can't believe the unnecessary extreme measure she took when she didn't even have cancer."  F U. (My mommy reads this, so I try to keep it clean)  That's my response to your insensitive, uneducated and totally inappropriate response.  Did you read what she wrote? HAVING BRCA MEANS SHE HAS AN 87% CHANCE OF GETTING CANCER IF SHE KEEPS HER BOOBS!  By removing them, it has reduced her chances by 95%, that now currently makes her risk for getting cancer LOWER than a normal genes person.  And let's just make this clear, there are plenty of vegans, and even raw vegans, that have died of cancer or heart disease.  SHOCK! How dare they die of such lowly diseases that disgusting meat eaters die of!  I'm tired of the judgement, and I'm now rebelling from that movement and today I had an ICE CREAM cone, yep a full fat delicious dairy ice cream cone, actually that is my 2nd one this week!   Now, I am not promoting that by eating the ice cream cone it is good for me, in fact it was a terrible idea.  I believe dairy should be kept to a minimum, if not avoided.  And if you do eat, choose low fat options, as high fat dairy has been proven to promote breast cancer growth.  Also the ice cream was loaded with sugar, something I really need to avoid. Sugar is a cancer food, it only fuels the growth.  So those 2 ice cream cones were a really bad idea on my part and I am fully aware of that, but I think I have just become so fed up with all the outrageous lies floating the internet, it was my way of giving that community the finger.

I have BRCA 2, a slightly different variation of the same genetic mutation as Angelina Jolie.  This makes my body extremely vulnerable to toxins, whether it be from food, environment or emotional, there is no guarantee that by eating right, I won't get cancer.   How can the food I eat help me avoid the environmental toxins or the emotional toxins I put on myself  by stressing out about food? It won't.  My ND told me if my diet is going to stress me out, then I need to stop the diet because the stress would be more toxic.  Eating sensibly, however, can help build up my immune system, and by doing so it will hopefully fight those cancer cells.  Every single one of use has teeny tiny cancer cells in our bodies. A normal healthy body will stop them from dividing and forming tumors, and that is where my body is deficient.  So yes, I have to be more cautious and food is simply one of the ways I leaning to help myself.

Raw vegan didn't work for me, in fact if made me sicker.  As soon as I came home and added cooked food back to my diet, I started to feel better.  Today is 6th day in a row I've felt good since I started treatment back in October.  It is a huge turning point for me.  We are all different and I am slowly figuring what works for me and what doesn't.  I know gluten makes me bloated, I know I'm addicted to dairy and need to stay away from it.  Sugar is horrible for me and you, I eat all organic (except when I eat out) and I make fruit smoothies and vegetable juices daily.  I do not eat meat, well,  because I don't like it. Do I think a little will harm you?  Not as much as GMO, pesticides and manufactured foods will.  I think those things are the root to the increase in illnesses in this country along with portion control, an imbalance of meat and veggies (you should be eating way more veggies than meat, if you are eating meat), lack of exercise and poor stress management. Will I continue my fascination with vegan food and even raw vegan food? Absolutely! Simply because there are a lot of health benefits when eating a whole foods vegan diet (not the junk food vegan diet). And on occasion I will allow myself the privilege of eating an ice cream cone, obviously.  I will, however, be taking a step back from the healing foods community, especially those that deliver false claims to optimum health and criticise people who don't follow their protocol.  Kudos to you Angelina Jolie for bringing the spotlight to BRCA mutations and the difficult decisions women face when given this diagnosis.  And just because I haven't done what Angelina has done, doesn't mean I won't in the future. I am seriously considering it, because cancer really does suck.  As my friend Terry from HHI once said to me, "Death is an incredible motivator."   You never know what extremes you might go to to save your life.

Adventures in eating plants: Homemade chocolate and black bean burgers

Since I have been home, my diet is a bit different than the one at Hippocrates.  I am not eating 100% raw and actually I have slide I never, ever, ever want to eat another sprout again in my entire life.  I will juice the crap out of them though, that is when I get my new juicer.  The juicer we have now is a centrifuge juicer and doesn't do well with sprouts and wheatgrass  each time I make my juice I feel like I am wasting some much. My dream juicer is the Omega 8006.   We have been waiting a 2.5 weeks for this juicer from a particular online store, and they failed to tell us it was back ordered. We have since canceled that order and bought one on ebay for $50 cheaper which is expected to arrive Monday! I feel like I am getting a new car (it does have a lot of chrome and incredible motor).  In the meantime I have decided to test out some vegan recipes.

Yesterday I made a pesto, instead of pine nuts I used walnuts and cashews (i made 2 kinds) and instead of parmesan cheese I used nutritional yeast. I felt like I a true vegan plant eater when I made that purchase.  I wonder if there are any omnivores who have that in their kitchen?

"What the eff is nutritional yeast?  Can't I just use baker's yeast?" are things I said to myself when I ran across this ingredient in just about every other vegan recipe I looked at.  Well, here's the lowdown on the interesting stuff:  It is grown on molasses and then harvested, washed and then dried with heat.  Since it is heated it is inactive, so it's nothing live baker's yeast since it can't make breads and baked goods rise, and also baker's yeast is harvested from beer.  Nutritional yeast is, well, packed with nutrition.  It has b-vitamins, folic acid, selenium, zinc and protein. It's also gluten free, has no fat and no added sugars or preservatives. It is used as a flavor enhancer and has a nutty, cheesy flavor.

Ok, enough nutrition lessons.  Back to food.  The pesto came ok descent. I am an avid pesto lover, and I definitely missed the parm cheese.  I also need a better food processor since using my blender required me to use more liquid and left the pesto a little runny and coarse.  My next purchase will be a food processor.

Today I experimented with chocolate and made vegan, sugar-free chocolate and it was oh so delicious! And easy, if you have all the ingredients.   Here's the how:
6 tablespoons of cacao butter
2 tablespoons of coconut oil
3 tablespoons of agave (but i used 1 tablespoon of agave and about 18 drops of stevia)
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
pinch of sea salt
1/2 cup of raw cacao powder

First I melted the cacao butter and the coconut oil in a double boiler (You can fill a larger pot with some water and place a smaller pot inside to create a double boiler effect).  Once melted place in a medium bowl and add sweetener  vanilla and salt and whisk thoroughly. Lastly add the cacao powder and whisk until smooth.  You can transfer into chocolate molds, or since I don't have any, I just lined 9x5 loaf pan with wax paper and pour the mixture in that.  Place in the freezer for 2 hours until set, then take out of the mold, break into chunks and store in the refrigerator for a week or the freezer for a month.


Mine came out like really dark chocolate or semi-sweet baking chocolate. Next time I will add more stevia to sweeten it up a little more. not bad for my first chocolate making experience though!

Recipe from Practically Raw by Amber Shea Crawley

Tonight I made my mom and I some out-of-this-world black bean burgers courtesy of my friend Emily.  These were vegan (but not raw) and gluten free, and also so easy to make! Here's the skinny:
1 can of black beans
2 tablespoons of ketchup
1 tablespoon of mustard
1/2 cup of quick oats ground to a coarse flour
1 tablespoon of garlic powder
1 tablespoon of onion powder

Mix everything together and then mash it up. Make into burger patties and place on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.  Bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, flip and continue baking for a few more mins until done.

I threw mine on a gluten free bun and topped it with ketchup, mustard, sweet vidalia onion, avocado, and sauerkraut.  My food coach suggested I try to have fermented veggies with every meal for the probiotics since I know I have an issue with candida.

To end this blog post, I am going to share with you a video my friend Anja from Germany shared with me.  My nickname at hippocrates was "Hippie".  One day I had expressed to everyone during a support group session how stressed out I am about searching for a job this fall.  I don't want to work a job simply because it pays money, I choose my jobs because they sound like an adventure (and granted some of those jobs sucked, but I made sure I found something better), but the jobs I like usually don't pay well, or anything at all.  But now everything has changed.  For the rest of my life I will be looking over my shoulder to see if cancer has caught up with me and that means lots of doctors appointments, forever.  So this means I pay attention to jobs that offer financial security, and hopefully health insurance (and if not, thankfully the Affordable Care Act will, well, make it affordable for people like me!) This totally sucks because now I have been thinking of working of the federal government or other blah jobs simply because of the benefits and job security it would provide me.  I think I would be miserable being a federal drone, but maybe my perception isn't correct and maybe I would like it.  That's what I keep telling myself.  "How do you know you won't like it?" plays over and over in my head.  The things is, I need to work a job where I know I am contributing to society, helping it in someway.  I'm not sure the federal route will give that satisfaction   So here I am, the battle between doing the "responsible thing" or continuing to be who I am, the battle between the pantsuit and the hippie.  So this video I am posting really spoke to me.

What would your job be if money didn't matter?

To Eat Berries or Not To Eat Berries.

It has been a whole week now since I've been home from my cancer fat camp and so I've had a whole week to process, discuss and research all that I learned from the place.  HHI was an experience I will forever cherish and am so beyond grateful to have had the experience   I learned a ton and am now making some important lifestyle changes to my diet.  The staff at the place truly are concerned with our health.  Their lives revolve around trying to make sick people healthy and they are so dedicated to the cause.  I never once doubted that they had my best interest at heart.

To me, the most valuable experience was being with a whole group of people who understood what it felt like to fight for your life.  We all desperately want to get our lives back, go back to work, be able to do a whole days worth of activities without having to excuse yourself in the afternoon to take a nap.  We want to take bike rides and go hiking without having to worry about passing out or getting sick.   I was so excited to go to HHI because it gave me the hope that the old me, the one that used to jog 5 miles a day, work a full time job and traveled whenever she go the opportunity, was a hop skip and a jump away.  Unfortunately, I believed I would leave that place a totally different person, full of energy and strength and with the mental fog, aches and pains long gone.  In reality I left feeling worse than when I arrived.

My thyroid, which was bad when I arrived, just got worse.  It is the worst it has been since I was first diagnosed with thyroid disease 7 years ago. I have muscle fatigue and aches, tachycardia  shortness of breath   and heat intolerance. I blame the slow death of my thyroid on the chemo, they told me this would happen and I expected it, but I also believed the raw vegan diet would turn it around in the right direction.  Also, by the time I left my allergies were so out of control that I couldn't breath out of my nose and had horrible chest congestion with a cough.  My allergies were bad when I arrived, but only got worse. ( I question if drinking wheatgrass is good for someone who is allergic to grass.  I'll be conducting my own experiment when I get rid of this constant congestion to see if it comes right back when I start drinking it again.)  I felt like such crap that I forked over a bunch of money to change my flight home 2 days earlier than I originally planned.  I felt defeated again.  I had such high hope for HHI and what a drag to leave there feeling worse than when I arrived.  I now know its going to take more than 3 weeks to make me feel better, I have put my body through hell trying kick cancer's ass and it's going to take more than a few weeks to reverse those effects.  I'm not going to give up; I'm going to continue to try to figure out what's best for me, but it's not easy when every famous health food guru is telling you to do something entirely different when it comes to keeping cancer at bay. 

 One says juice the crap out of carrots and the other says avoid carrots, another says stay away from dairy and animal products and the other says those have nothing do with cancer, another says high fat causes breast cancer while others prove that isn't the case.  Some say if you've had cancer stay away from all sugars, even those found in fruits, while others says gobble up all the berries you can stuff in your face.  Another book says the mediterranean diet is what keeps my boobs healthy and happy.  How in the world are we all supposed to make sense of all this conflicting information.  Now I'm anxious and my mind hurts. 

 On the flight home I pondered all of this in my mind.  Besides, how can one diet be for everyone?   I started to think about everything I've read, all those conflicting gurus and their promises to health-topia if you follow their protocol.  They all have a ton of conflicting information, but I thought about the points they all converge on: 

1.  Stay away from manufactured food.

2. Eat organic, non-GMO foods 

3. Eat more plants.

4. Stay away from sugar

Ok, this makes more sense now.  The day after I arrived home, I met with my ND, Dr Warnock (He is quite possibly the best doctor on this earth) because I felt like such crap, but to also because I wanted to discuss my cancer fat camp. ( When I told him I was going, he thought  it was a good idea mostly because it would help me lose weight, which it did, and one of the best cancer fighters is having a slim hot body.) I asked him, is there one diet that is for everyone?  And he said, "No."  He continued by stating that we are all made up of different genetic factors and we've all been exposed to different environmental factors, what might be good for me, could be bad for someone else. He also agreed with my 4 points mentioned above, emphasizing that sugar is cancer food, but he also said that berries and other low sugar fruits are good for me, a big no no at my cancer fat camp.  .  

Then my sister came home and blew the front door off my brain full of food knowledge.  She has been doing some food research for me and opened my eyes to some the most important plant-based health claims out there.  Without going into details,  I think all of us that are considering making diet changes based on things like the movie "Forks Over Knives" or the book "The China Study" should check out this blog first.

http://rawfoodsos.com/

I can't help but to feel like I have been duped  lead down this weird cult-like raw-vegan-plant-based food craze based on some poorly conducted studies that provide you with false evidence that this lifestyle is the only way to live a long and healthy life.  I totally drank the kool-aid. 

From everything I've discussed and learned this week I feel like I have a better understanding of how I am going conduct my diet. I'm going to continue to juice everyday simply because gosh darn you get a ton of nutrients from a glass of green juice, I'm also going to continue to not eat meat because I simply don't like it (I hate the labels vegetarian or vegan because people often flash to visions of militant like animal lovers spraying people with red paint), I will eat a mix of raw and cooked food because both are delicious, I will eat organic because pesticides and gmo products are disgusting and I will stay away from that nasty cancer feeding sugar while allowing myself to indulge on berries here and there.

Here is another interesting read by Michael Pollan Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants

Day 18

I can't believe in 2 days I will be leaving this place and on my own. I have to figure out where and how I am going to grow all these sprouts indoors.  I'll tackle that project when I go home.

Today I met with the nurses for my final consult.  They do basic blood work when you arrive and when you leave and today I got to see the final results.  The biggest improvement was my cholesterol, it went down 60 points! There were some other minor improvements, but there were also a lot of things that got worse here.  I was disappointed when I saw that, but another test revealed I was still really detoxing which makes things out of wack in by body.  I was actually happy to hear I'm still detoxing because I still feel tired all the time.  I realized that my body is going to take a while before it gets most of the horrible gunk out.  The nurse worked on a supplement plan with me for when I get home and up until now I had be resistant to buying a lot of the stuff.  I was really skeptical about it all and whether it was necessary.  They said it isn't necessary to heal myself, the diet alone will do that over time, but it will help me get back into normal healthy state quicker and so I decided that spending the money on the stuff is worth it. I marched down to the store, filled my basket full of the 15 different supplements they suggested, rang up a very big bill, and shipped the big box home.  I've committed to taking these supplements for at least 3 months and see how I feel.   At this point, I'm willing to do anything to make me feel better, but I now know healing requires a lot of patience.

When I came to HHI, I thought I would be leaving after 3 weeks all strong and full of energy.  I had such high expectations,  its a little depressing to be getting ready to leave and I'm still exhausted.  Things have improved, and I know this stuff is what is going to get me healthy again, but I didn't realize it would take awhile before I would see major results.  I'm hoping these supplements will help speed up the process (they better since they cost me a fortune!) And I'm also planning on getting a membership at the Pyramid Holistic Wellness Center to use their gym, infrared sauna, oxygen bar and Ionic foot bath, which all great toxin removers and healers.

Day 17

Coconut day!! Today started out pretty good and ended in the most fantastic way. It is fasting day, which means it is also coconut day, we get a fresh coconut to drink for lunch. It's my favorite part of my stay here.

 In the morning I went for my lymphatic massage, which made me nauseous as usual.  After that I went to the salon and played with the organic make up line, Bella Donna.  It is marvelous stuff! I have never gone to a place and had them match makeup to my skin color.  This stuff was great, it made me look so much brighter and even toned without appearing that I'm wearing any make up at all.  I think I'm going to purchase some before I leave and throw out all my crappy make-up that's actually quite toxic.  Did you know they put lead in lipstick? Gross.

Now I could bore you with the stuff I learned from my lectures, but it is how the day ended that has me beaming and smiling from ear to ear.  Tonight after dinner they had a steel drummer come and he drummed along to music he brought on his computer, at first I wasn't into it and then he played salsa.  I couldn't resist.  There I was, with many of my closest friends here, most of them sick, dancing away and laughing. We forgot we were sick as we danced around the pool. People fighting for their lives and people trying to reclaim their lives dancing as if they don't have a single worry in the world.  It was magical.  The salsa music took me back to Chile when I used to go out dancing every weekend.  I miss that.  And dancing with my friends made me miss those silly nights with my besties in VT and the strange intermission numbers and dance routines with my besties in the Peace Corps.  It's incredible how a little music and movement of your body can create such joy  and peace.  Dancing will be a high priority for me now!

Here's small world story to end with.  There is a women here who arrived last week and I finally got a chance to talk to her.  Her name is Charlene, bald from chemo from a rare form of uterus cancer and she lives in CA. I was sharing with her my story and mentioned Peace Corps. She says to me, "you did pc?  My little "sister" did Peace Corps. Where did you go?"  "The Philippines" I reply.  "So did she! When were you there?" she asks.  Her little "sister" is May Lynn Castillo, a girl I know!! They're not really sisters, but close like that.  Such a small world!

Below are some pictures of some of the people I've written about in my blog(except the coconut guy).  These people are such an inspiration to me.  Their strength and determination inspire me to keep going and never give up.

Buko Juice!

My wild woman pal, Damaris

The Beautiful Charlene!

The lovely Anya on the left and the Amazing Emma on the right

Day 16

I was so tired from everything yesterday that I overslept this morning! Which is a good thing I was able to sleep so much, but unfortunately I missed my blood draw in the morning.  They said I can do it tomorrow, so this time I made sure I had my alarm set.

I stayed low key today, I knew I wanted to attend lectures all day, so I didn't exercise in the morning to make sure I had enough energy.  If I had energy and time in the afternoon, yoga was on my schedule for the day.

I did my usual morning routine with wheatgrass and such and then went to the lecture about supplements.  I had no idea what a scam the supplement industry was! This is what I learned today:

Don't believe the word "natural" on your bottle!!

The US law for supplements only require that your supplement be 10% natural, the rest is synthetic to be labeled natural.  Meaning 90% of the ingredients in most supplements on the market are full of chemicals and engineered ingredients that are bad for  you

The cheaply made synthetic vitamins are actually non adsorbable, meaning you just poop it all out and you get no benefit from the synthetic vitamins

A lot of the fillers used in the vitamins are harmful carcinogens   Here are some of those harmful carcinogens: Magnesium stearate,  titanium dioxide, Cellulose starch, silicon dioxide hydroxypropyl cellulose, polyenthyleneglycol 3350.

Your body recognizes those harmful unnatural fillers as intruders and they try to fight it!

BEWARE of food coloring, avoid anything with food coloring.

Fish oil is bad news. The fish itself is full of all kinds of toxins and farming the fish and putting the oils in capsules make the oil rancid, and when it becomes rancid it is a carcinogen. The more it smells or the more it tastes "fishy", the more rancid it is.  You must be asking yourself, well then how do I get my omega 3s?  Easy!  Here is a list of foods to get your omega 3s: Chia seeds are the best.
Others include: Hemp, raspberry oil, flax, pumpkin seeds, primrose oil, walnuts, sprouts, green veggies, and blue and blue green algae.

Ok, so the lesson is to this is look for 100% natural vegan vitamins.  It's worth the cost.

So after that stressful eye opening lecture I went to the salon to get my eyebrows sugar waxed.  It looked like I have 2 caterpillars on my face and they needed to be tamed.  I noticed she was giving a demonstration about natural beauty products later so I put that on my schedule and then went to the store to buy some GOOD supplements.  I then took a little rest break instead of going to yoga as I could feel myself puttering out and I still wanted to attend the natural beauty lecture.

The lecture was so much fun! She taught us how to make our own lip balm and body scrub all from natural ingredients and then talked about the natural make-up line she carries and natural hair dye.  I'm going back tomorrow to play with the make-up. :)

In the evening I had a check-up with the cervical chiropractor to make sure I didn't screw up my neck after he fixed it and it looked good.  I just have to remember to keep icing for the next 2 weeks and then go for a check up with a cervical chiropractor in 3 months. He gave me a list of cervical chiropractors near me, but unfortunately it looks like the closest ones are in the Albany area. It's worth the drive though.

Tomorrow I have my last massage, I am getting a lymphatic massage so if it goes anything like last one's I'll be feeling more detoxing symptoms on thursday.

Day 15

Today I was reminded that I recently went through some major cancer treatment.  I got a little panicky that this is my last week and I felt like I still had a ton of things i wanted to do.  The problem is I usually get pretty tired in the afternoons, but all the lectures are in the afternoons so I have missed a lot.  Today I  decided I was just going to push through the day and attend all lectures this week since it is my last chance, but unfortunately my body reminded me that I'm not the person I was a year ago.

I started my morning off with Aqua fitness (I seriously love this class.) Then attended lectures all day and at 5pm I went to Qigong.  Qigong is all about gentle movement and so I thought I would be fine, but by the time I got to that class, I was already wiped and then about halfway through the class I nearly passed out and had to sit the rest of the class out.  I cannot believe in class where I all I do is stand, gently move my arms and sway my body nearly put me on the floor.

  It was a huge wake up call to the fact that this program is not going to put me back to my old self in just 3 weeks, it is going to take a lot more time and a lot more patience.

I need to focus on healing instead of trying to get my old self back; comparing myself to that person I used to be will only make things worse.  Instead I need to celebrate the little changes that are occurring and not dwelling on the fact I'm still not back to "normal".  So from now on, I need to focus all my energy on healing, and if that means taking a nap in the afternoon and missing the lecture, then that's what I'll do.  All the information I get from those lectures can be found online or in books anyway. Healing is my job now.

Here are some of the wonderful changes I have noticed being here:  Losing weight, hair growth, clearer skin, nails are growing back, less bloating, no acid reflux, and less aches and arthritis.  These are incredible changes in a little over 2 weeks! Imagine what this will do to me if I stick with it, 6 months from now I will be a totally different person and I cannot wait to meet her.

My hair is growing like crazy! There seems to be a little more grey, but they claim to have the remedy for that here. I might try it when I get home.