Wednesday, October 10, 2012

After being informed that my scans confirmed my cancer hasn't spread to other parts of my body, we began preparing for chemotherapy today. Today, I joined another club of lucky women: the menopause club. Yep, so not only will I be dealing with the side effects of chemo, I also have to manage the effects of menopause. Thankfully, this is only temporary, so I'm only going to pack away my midol for the winter along with my swim suit and summer clothes and then pull it back out when my ovaries are finished hibernating. The reason for doing this is to hopefully protect and save my ovaries from chemotherapy, which would catapult me into menopause anyway, so why not try to save parts of my body from damage. I'm just hoping that I won't stay in menopause, but since I'm so young everyone else is hoping I can still birth children. Giving birth has never been part of my plan since my goal has always been to adopt. Without going into to it too much, and beyond the fact that having something come out of me like that totally creeps me out (I partially blame my mommy friends for that) my philosophy has always been I could never convince myself to bring another human being into this world knowing there are so many children out there who need a parent, but I do understand the human desire to create something that is part of you and watch this miracle you created go through life. I love being a part of my friends' kids' lives and pointing out the distinct features and attitudes in thier children that come from them. The nurses at the cancer center were so concerned about my child rearing ability, they almost sent me to get some eggs harvested, but thankfully there isn't enough time to do this invasive procedure since I'm starting chemo on Monday. Monday is when it all begins. I'm not sure it's really hit me yet. Today, Patty and I got a tour of the chemo room, and that kinda started putting things in perspective. This is real and this is going to happen very soon. It's been challenging wrapping my brain around the fact they have to make me feel really sick in order to cure me. Right now I don't feel sick, but this time next week I know I'll be feeling different. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is healing me, and this time next year I'll be a normal healthy person again. No matter what, this isn't going to ruin my spirit and I'm going to smile my way through it.

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